The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte
Pussy, A Reclamation by Regena, “Mama Gena” Thomashauer
Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts Audio Book by Regena, “Mama Gena” Thomashauer
How I Adapt / Adopt / Apply
Desire. Lust. Crave. Long for. Want.
Danielle LaPorte flips goal setting on its head by having you set your goals based on how you want to feel; it’s a way to, I think, ground your goals in your spirit, your ‘true’ self. In other words, you establish what you want based solely on how YOU want to feel. Setting my goals SOLELY on my desires, how I wanted to feel, eliminated striving for things based on the reactions of others and consequently, I found myself doing things that were soul satisfying and that truly made me happy versus, say dragging myself through three years of the wrong majors in college trying to please my mom. *ahem*
Mama Gena’s approach is a little more physical. She talks about desires in terms of daily life – the lobster dinner instead of the more budget friendly salad, per se. She wants you to realize and accept, believe with every fiber of your being, that you are WORTHY of your wants and that you DESERVE to have your wants satisfied simply because you have them. There’s no need to prove your worth, or shy away from the things you really want because someone else might disapprove.
Both concepts were eye opening for me. Not that I have EVER been one to shy away from wanting or desiring something. What I had done, as I mentioned above, was let other people’s reactions affect what I thought I wanted. I might start off with my truth, “I want to have fangs like a vampire.” But as soon as someone disapproved, “That is ridiculous. You’re 45 years old, grow up already.” I would abandon that want in favor of what THEY thought was better. I was the consummate people-pleaser / peace keeper; downplaying my true wants and desires in favor of making sure others didn’t feel “embarrassed” to be around me.
Since working through the Desire Map, reading Pussy (over the span of two days), and listening to the School of the Womanly Arts audio book (to the point where I think I have some sections memorized), I am firmly rooted in what it is I desire. From how I want to feel throughout my day, to going ahead and getting that bite of chocolate cake after dinner even though I’m full and it’s going to cost a stupid amount of money for a slice I know I won’t eat completely – I KNOW WHAT I WANT and I KNOW I AM WORTHY OF HAVING IT ALL. And in most cases, I don’t hesitate to share.
Waiter/waitress asks, “what can I get for you today?” My responses range from, “a couple of thousand dollars, a nap, and a beach front villa with a wrap around veranda”, to, “I’ll have the chicken pesto sandwich with fresh french fries, please.” When I was single, the bar shark who hit me with one of those tired, “what would it take for you to come home with me?” type lines would get my standard response, “Ten thousand dollars, cash, in small unmarked bills. For that, you get to have sex with me once we’ve gone to the clinic and gotten a clean bill of health concerning all known STDs.” Seriously.
My responses aren’t based on the idea that I’m “better” than anyone, they’re based solely on what I want at that given time, in that particular situation. And dag nabit, it is a HOOT seeing the reactions on people’s faces when I answer honestly. It’s equally as fun to turn around and ask them what their desire is right at that moment. I won’t repeat some of the answers I’ve gotten from the bar sharks – this is a PG-13 site.
So, tell me what you want, what you really, really, want :-). Okay, seriously, you don’t have to share your list here, but for real, grab a piece of paper and make your desire list. From how you want to feel to what kind of car you want to drive. Would you love to have purple hair, a million-trillion dollars in the bank? Just one night in bed with…wait, I did say PG-13. Sorry kids. *ahem* From the tangible to the intangible; real life and fantasy. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
If you’re struggling to come up with anything, I strongly suggest this post’s source materials as EXCELLENT resources to help you figure it out. If you pick one, two, or all three, then be sure to swing by and leave a comment about how they worked for you.
May all your wishes come true 😉
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